I was lucky enough today to witness the incredible act of Man Chat. It’s important that you first understand what man chat is exactly. It’s not simply men talking, it’s when a group of men come together to say all the latest goings on in their lives – in this case, over a game of Fifa 11. The funniest thing about it is that it’s a 90mph conversation with no gaps in between statements. As soon as one guy finishes a statement about how one of his ex’s has put on a load of weight and really let herself go, another one jumps straight in with the question of how does he tell the girl he’s sleeping with that he’s not going to sleep with her anymore because she’s got BO? And they say women are bitchy! They’re actually JUST LIKE US.
I think it’s safe to say that the modern man has evolved and adapted to the world today. Thank you Charles Darwin. The gap in all-male and all-female conversations is narrowing. Soon they will be blending into one. No longer will women be buying Now and Heat with men buying Zoo and Nuts. There will be one Super Mag, which will be read by all. In fact, I may invent it myself and call it Now Heat the Zoo Nuts! It would probably have bikini-clad celebrities with both 3D breasts and 3D cellulite. Although I will have sacked my male features editor after he inappropriately suggested ‘scratch’n’sniff!’
I will never know, however, if those conversations were only what they were because there was a female present. Maybe they wanted me to hear these things, subconsciously, because they knew that I would pass these concerned male observations on to my female friends and they would pass it on to their friends and so forth. Sooner or later, 3 billion women would all know that men analyse everything about us, indirectly resulting in a race of perfect female specimens!
Clever boys, very clever!